my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
he he gabriel is like outstretched on the floor, flat, looking very much like a carpet. shoot i wish i had my cam now! UGHH but if i move he'll wake up. ho ho i am jes the luckiest girl on earth to have the cutest dog (next to timmy) ever.
one more day till geog trip! AND I HAVENT PACKED. HOWHOWHOWHOW. there're like a gazillion things i wanna bring but its for only three days sheesh. im not exactly high maintenance, im jes 'hard to maintain' >:D
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6:15 AM;
Thursday, May 25, 2006
happy happy days aplenty for me :) yesterday's soccer was like the most exciting match i've ever seen in my life. not that i've watched many but at least i watch the world cup la if that's even a convincing excuse. but truly, i've witnessed what they mean by anything can happen on the football field. sorreh my soccer terminology is like close to zilch so pardon my layman's terms.
ohoh! i got my favourite phone, like finally! preddypreddy things make me happy. gosh i am so superficial sometimes.
i'm kinda on a constant high recently, save for all the after-match sore throats and blurry eyes. well, life's taking a turn for the better what with geog trip (a.k.a SHOPPING), a new phone, new dog and NO SCHOOL. these are the times when i can say God is good, and hopefully when the going gets tough, i'd be able to say the same too. i think i really need to find my zest for God back. i havent really lost it, jes that i've been so caught up with all the rah rah recently i've kinda shut the door to God :( there's nothing better than turning on a worship album and jes closing your eyes, silently pouring out your inner thoughs to Abba father. it's the only time when you really feel loved, safe and transparent (in a good way, like no one's judging you). i cant wait for church camp laaaar. last year we were preparing to leave for church camp at this time, and this year its pushed back to eoy all because of the A level students. heh jes gotta love pastor for being so thoughtful. speaking of which, HWEI'S SMS FIASCO IS HILARIOUS :D:D:D:D
anyways, *HWEEHWEE: cheer up aight? u can always come and rant at me if ur like really upset about it. LOVE!!!*
ogay, peace out in a non poseurish manner. still gotta go for chaucer play later. im kinda excited though. he he.
she preyseth his pleying nat worth a bene ;)
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11:46 PM;
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
ooooh why is the blogging thing suddenly blue.
jon chua jes told me that there's krispykreme at the aussie airport (sydney, that is). my goodness, where should i start in trying to explain how sad life in singapore can get sometimes. :( nevermind i shall be expecting krispykremes in 2 weeks time!! you guys can start bribing me now :D best friends have priority!!
oh oh oh! jes now i watched singapore idol auditions. i know la im like really lagging but it was so dooper funneh. wassup man singapore. but its kinda nice to know that we're not such a boring country after all. there are colouful characters existing somewhere. he he i really wonder how those people have the cheek to come back for the second season when they got rejected during the first. it's like, you may call it determination, but sometimes enough is enough especially when talent-o-meter is like screaming ZERO.
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8:52 AM;
Saturday, May 20, 2006
FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY. i am done with the measure essay and it really is a load off my chest. call me a nerd, whatever. so i had the mood to go for da vinci code with mom after that. it was aight la but i guess some parts were rather unexplained. so if i hadn't read the book beforehand i'd prolly be boggled. and that was exactly how my mom was and it was kinda irritating when she kept asking me what was happening. but she paid for the tix so im kinda obliged to explain to her too.
yesterday was fantastic despite the bball girls losing to rj. i saw fang!! :):):) was for a very short while though but nevertheless special to me! dont know when i'm gonna see her again. and kattie was like mugging at home what's new. tsktsk. i reallyreally hope the soccer team wins or else our hopes of having a full day would be like erps. i know what's going through ur mind now cwah see hwee, but again, whatever :P my allegiance is with the full-day.
church tomorrow and hopefully hwei and cherlynn will be free in the afternoon. mom was annoying me jes now when i told her i didnt go for tuition this week. well, i didnt really do it on purpose. firstly, ms chow told me to cancel it because apparently her econs lesson takes precedence. and then mr lim didnt ask me if i wanted a make up lesson because usually he does so i jes presumed that he had a full schedule already. perhaps i could have taken more initiative but i didnt really have the mood for tuition too. :( and she keeps telling me that the exams are so near yet im so lackadaisical about everything. she doesnt really know the turmoil inside me when it comes to these things. hello, i cant sleep at night jes because i know i have tons of revision undone!! and she says i don't care sheesh.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yup, that's basically how i feel now. despite knowing the consquences im gonna go ahead and go out tomorrow. despite knowing im being irresponsible, i'm still gonna go ahead and somehow convince myself that i'm smart enough to ignore one day of revision. :( i really don't know what to do sometimes. i think im that sort who live for the moment. oh God, i need help.
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10:49 AM;
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
i feel bleargh right now. because i am currently aimless and it's that feeling when you're like hovering in mid-air feeling nauseous yet the truth is that you feel like you're hovering. so that means you can't give excuses for not doing anything because your two feet are firmly planted on the ground (as in literally. figuratively, nah.) basically, i'm not in the best of moods nowadays. i'm telling you it's that measure essay. it's been nagging at the back of my head since last friday. honestly, i aint got any clue on how to start this one. whatever, i'll work it out somehow but i'm like feeling this frustration even before i start. heck i havent even started thinking and i feel frustrated already. i am such a nerd sometimes. i wish i could be one of those people who can seriously not give two hoots about homework and disregard what teachers think of them. in a twisted sense, i kinda admire them. life's much easier that way. mom tells me 'take it easy' and then i jes go on to think 'yeah right. you won't be saying that if i flunk'.
why does it always have to be me and my grades. i go about my daily life smiling and having fun but at the back of my mind its nagging, its always there like an omnipresent burden such that its almost tangible. then i try to stash it away but as i said its omnipresent so it jes haunts me. mom says im stressing myself out. dear mom, perhaps you would like to know that mr sayers tells me if i don't feel stressed i ought to be worried. yet somehow i don't really like what he tells us despite how much i like him as my teacher. you see, how is it normal now that feeling stressed is supposed to be your life? because feeling stressed brings along with it side effects. i can almost 'swear' (not because i'm unsure of what i'm feeling, but because i can't swear) that i feel jittery most of the time, if not ALL the time. fangsy tells me i get stressed really easily and i think she's damn right. ha ha see she's really my good friend. ARGH what am i doing writing all this. i probably sound neurotic. i think it's that book i've been reading. i'm starting to admire the main character Kafka for being able to jes let go of everything and on one fine day, decide that he's quitting school for good and he's going to be the strongest fifteen year old on the planet. ridiculous i know, but yet it's not like remotely impossible too. and that's what kills me. we do have a choice but we're carried away by expectations, and all of a sudden what you really want out of life fades into oblivion and we lose focus of what we set our eyes on. okay fine even when we're studying that happens too but we don't really give a damn right. because in the first place we, or at least i, don't really want to be in this situation. UGHHH. okay i feel like a complete idiot for ranting and this is such a long entry i need to end now. kudos to those who actually got to this sentence.
.thgin doog
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9:36 AM;
Friday, May 12, 2006
i'm bored, because for once i aint fussing over my dogs. gabriel's asleep and timmy's sitting at my feet (which stink) so i dont know why he can even stand being near my feet.
anyhoos, the great news this week : 'HISTORIANS' ARE GOING FOR THE GEOG TRIP! hur hur that sentence is a paradox in itself.
last night's choir concert was well, i don't know. can't really say i enjoyed it because half the time fang was trying to snooze on my shoulder and aston was on the other side complaining to me. LOL and when the audience actually shouted for an encore, aston let out a VERY LOUD 'NOOOOO!' quite embarrassing only. i myself was dead beat too so i couldnt really appreciate the concert. but kattie looked preddy yesterday! not that she isnt preddy on normal days la.
oh yall should see the amout of flowers kattie got. and our very interesting presents from candy empire. overall enjoyable night i guess because of my darling 3u-ers. actually jes fangsy, pet, kattie!, aston, raymond and cheng chung! jane, shu wen, wei lun, hong sheng and jia hao were good company too :) AND THEN it was ke'rayzae!!!!!! 'celebrated' rizki's birthday which was jes a happy birthday song after the concert. gosh really felt like the old times again. ho ho gonna see fangsy and aston next week again. stupid aston says that if vj even scores against rj, it'll be the second school to actually get a point out of them. whatever, the girls won rj anyways and DARLING CHAN MEI LIN was the HERO! my fellow pw-er, get well soon yah? <3<3<3
still thinking if i should go for SOV. firstly it's kinda costly and i really cant appreciate choir singing. especially after last night. but vj's choir's supposed to be really good so it'll be quite a waste if i've never heard them sing before in my almost 2 years there eh. even if i go, WITH WHO??? the bombos are all not going :(
okay i think my feet really stink so i'm gonna wash them. toodles.
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1:44 AM;
Friday, May 05, 2006
hurhur i've been so busy with my new doggie that i havent had any time for myself. by the way, his name's GABRIEL :D i dont care what u say i'm calling him that! :D ha ha i came online jes to tell the whole world that heh. so now that i've accomplished what ive come to do, BYE! :D
TIMMY AND GABRIEL <3<3<3<3
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2:40 AM;
Monday, May 01, 2006
IVE GOT A NEW DOG!!!! :D:D:D i thank God a million times and more for blessing me with so many things :) oh my oh my oh my he's so adorable and he's a cocker spaniel. u know when i laid my eyes on him i kinda decided that he's the one for me. even though i saw many colgis and pekingnese and shelties, heck i even saw huskies i jes knew that i had to have that cocker spaniel. and so now it's sleeping in my house and gosh the way he sleeps is sooo adorable. ogay if u notice i've been calling my new dog 'him' thats cuz i havent thought of a name yet. kinda decided on one but not really sure yet. so i shall tell yall when i've decided! :) and if ur wondering what happened to timmy, no he hasnt died (shame on u for thinking so). he's still up and jumping and still as loveable to me as ever. :D ogay ive inserted enough smilies to last a week :):):):):):) im THAT happy and im wishing i didnt have to go to sch tmw so i can stay at home with my doggies. GOSH I AM SO BLESSED :) THANK YOU LORD AMEN :)
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8:21 AM;
